long time!

I really need to start finding this more. ... Have nothing to say really.. maybe that's why I always forget.. damn..

scratch that

Forget what I said in my last post... he broke up with me.. he is gone.

Long time gone!

Wow! it has been a while since I have written here. Been tons of things going on. Been painting, going to group counseling, got a boyfriend, and just recently lost my 2 ferrets :(

Let's start at the beginning. Painting, yes been doing that. I would post those pictures.. but I am at work and don't have the pictures here, they are on facebook. But done that.. gave 2 to my mom, one to Allison, 1 to Keebler, 1 to my neighbor and my Aunt bought one from me. I have 4 hanging out at my apartment just looking for some good homes. They have really been therapeutic. It took one guy, who I was showing pictures of my art to, and he said "put it away, I don't want to see any of that until you paint something from your soul... something that wakes you up out of a dead sleep, that you can't sleep until you get it out on canvas" a week after he told me that I was woken up out of a dead sleep.. with this idea for a painting. It was awesome. So since then I have only painted images that have just come to me, no more requests.

Next, been going to group counseling. I love it. There are 8 women in it and it is just great to be around people who have been through similar things and aren't going to judge me for my feelings and actions. Granted.. that's what friends are supposed to do.. But it's nice to have those people to bounce ideas off of.

Next, I have a boyfriend now, yay! He is super AWESOME. I really like this one. I have never been with anyone that is this nice to me. He is exactly the kind of guy I have been looking for. He is super sweet, cares for me, TAKES care of me, and wants nothing more than for me to be happy. He likes me the way I am, doesn't tell me that I need to loose weight (like all the past boyfriends), wants to know all about me, wants me to always feel safe to where I never have to look over my shoulder again. I feel totally comfortable around him. I have never been this secure with a guy. I have also never been this mushy with one. I find myself saying things I never thought I would like, "I miss you MORE baby!!" I still feel like I have some of my walls up, as does he cause he has been hurt in the past too, but we talk about that and our fears and doubts and we work though them. This one is really special..
OOH so ABOUT him.. His name is Matt.. he is a little young. 21, but he in no way acts like it. He is way more mature than any guy I have dated... talked to.. been interested in. He is in the army (and will be getting deployed in April to Afganistan for a year). He is stationed at Ft Hood and is an hour away from me, so I only get to see him once a week. WHICH, I think is good right now because if he was here I know he would consume so much of my time and this way it can go slow. We have been together for a month now and I am not running away yet, which is surprising to me. I just feel so lucky to know him.. and he says the same thing about me. :)
Ok, that is all for now, enough gushing about him. More later.

Next.. oh the ferrets.. I dont know what happened.. they must have caught something. Zailie got sick right before we went to Huntsville 2 weekends ago and then died this past friday. Zakia got sick over the weekend and passed in a day. I wasn't THAT attached to them.. but it still sucked. I had my day of mourning for them.

SO that it my little update. At work now, so more later!

beginnings of my art!!

Here are my 1st 2 paintings. enjoy!

My mural

So I thought I would include some pictures of the progression of my mural, the nexty entry will my my 2 latest paintings. Just getting the art out there so people can see!! Hope you enjoy!

A date, the sun, and work

So I had a date last night with the guy I mentioned a few entries ago. Still a nice guy. This was our 4th date! Things are still progressing there.. I will keep you updated.. when I know more.

Went out to float the river again! Starting to look much less pasty, and it's a great way to relax with friends. I am starting to make some more down here that I am hanging out with regurally. They are the ones I float with and karaoke with, and just chill with. I like 'em.

And with work, I have people at work, I am hanging out with some of them here and there.. we are going jogging once a week or maybe more than that... depending on the week and who can go. We go in the mornings when we get off work. It's good, I say jogging.. but I use that term loosely. For me it is more of a fast walk at the moment.. I need to work my way up to the whole.. "jogging" thing. I take Sammy and he is my excuse to go slow.. because he is new to the whole long distance walking thing, silly dog, always holding me back when I am training for a marathon... haha JUUST KIDDING! Running.. pft.. that is what is silly!

been a while!!

Man, I have been slacking on updating this!!
Let's see.. I have been working.. hanging out with friends.. and working on a tan!
There... updated! hehe.

Work: Nothing new here.. working just like I always do.. nothing great.

Hanging out with friends: Now this one is fun! I have taken up karaoke on Sunday nights.. and believe it or not.. I am good! I know.. I was surprised too! I actually heard one girl in the crowd say "wow! she is amazing!" I sing some country... some 80's and yes... even some old school rap. I think its cause I practice my songs before I go out to the bar, I only choose songs that do not reach high notes.. so some songs by Miranda Lambert and Terry Clark are right up my alley. Along with ones by the Eurithmics, Pat Benetar, and obviously Salt n' Peppa :) I am asked to sing Shoop every week...
Been going on some dates, talking to guys.. the last guy I mentioned kinda faded for a bit but we started talking again and are going to try to get together sometime this week. He's really nice..

Working on getting my tan. On Monday I went, for the 2nd time in the Summer.. AND in my life, to float the river. Had a blast! I love it! Didn't get as burned as the last time, think I am past the burned stage and will start to get a tan.

Aside from all that.. still going to counceling.. although, I missed yesterday because I had a meeting at work.. I think I will continue again next week.
AND I am going to try to start running with some of my coworkers here. Need to slim down some.

More later, when more interesting things happen.

Found muscles!

So I found some muscles that I didn't know I had!! WOW! I was moving ALLL day yesterday and then some last night too. ... after my date :) After the date, I went back to the old apartment to pick up the pets.. got to the new place.. got the ferrets out.. and shut the trunk with some other things in hand.. unfortunately.. my keys and phone were NOT in hand. they were laying very quietly.. and sneaky I might add, in my trunk. And at 5 am, guess how many people are around, hint: none. So while sammy lay quietly.. and maybe a little sneaky in the back seat I tried with all my might to open the door with a hanger, that eventually broke in 3 places. FINALLY a neighbor came out and asked what the matter was and in turn lent me her phone and phone book to call a locksmith. I like this new place soo much! :) SO I called.. and they came, at 6:30. The guy who showed up could NOT have been more rude. I am going to call that company and tell them that because of him, I will NEVER use their company again... and I lock my keys in my car ALOT!!

But all was well, I am sore from head to toe, bruised, scratched, and exhausted! The next week will be me unpacking, moving furniture around, painting my mural.. and talking to this new guy. Very nice guy. I think it may be a future boyfriend...

Southern Austinite!

Tomorrow is the big day. Took care of all the last minute things so that everything is kosher for the move. I am so freakin excited! I really think this will be a good change for me. New area, new people, old friends, fresh start... ALLL good things! I can only see this being a positive thing for me!

Other than that, things are going great. I still have a job, meeting new guys :), seeing old friends, everyone's in jail who needs to be there.. I can only see this year getting better! Which .. I guess is pretty easy.. considering.. But I am doing much better, more up beat, happier, making new friends and finding old ones.

More later, when there is more to talk about!

Thinking..

Sitting here at work. Just thinking about everything. Today is the day that the guy should have been arrested.. if he was, I don't know, I will call Monday to check so that I can finally stop worrying about if I am going to run into him when I go out. I talked to the detective and he said that the guy came in and he admitted to everything. This is a good and bad thing for me. Good because he will be arrested and put away, but bad because now I can't pretend that it never happened.. or that I made it all up. I get these crazy thoughts in my head that tell me.. "maybe you just made it up... overreacted a bit..take it back, it's not too late." But then hearing that he confessed.. well all of those thoughts are out the window and now I am faced with it, knowing that it DID happen and that he KNEW what he was doing and KNOWS what he did was wrong. It's a hard thing to swallow knowing that someone went out of their way to hurt me, and that they did it on purpose. Thankfully I have been working too much to stop and think about everything again.

In other news... alot happier news.. I have recently been on this online dating service. I have meet a few guys in person. been on a few dates.. none of them worked out really. Well last week I started talking to this one guy. He seems really nice and really down to earth.. and really interested in me. We have been texting almost non stop since last week. Telling about ourselves, our likes and dislikes, past relationships, childhood stories, family life, and what not. He seems to think that I am pretty special and can't wait to meet me. We talked on the phone for the 1st time last night.. for 2 hours. He seems very genuine. But with me, I am very skeptical about that.. and I had to look him up to make sure that he was a real person and not some 50 year old guy trying to hook me. And he is in fact for real. The only thing that is a hurdle at the moment.. is that.. he doesnt TECHNICALLY live here.. in Austin, nor in TX. .. He just happens to live in Hawaii. I know I know... it's crazy to even entertain the notion. But I figure, what the hell. If nothing else, I will have made a new pen pal. However he is already talking about coming to visit. Hell, after our 2 hour talk last night, both of us (unbeknownst to the other) looked up ticket prices for flights to see the other. I have already dubbed 2009 as a year to do the unexpected and outrageous... so who knows.
I have already talked to Mikey about going to a theme park this spring/summer to ride a roller coaster for the 1st time.. and then later to try bungee jumping.. and eventually this Summer to try skydiving! This is going to be my year of taking chances!

As of now

Things are getting better.. slowly. I am going on the 3rd night of sleeping in my bed. I forgot how much nicer it was than the couch. I am reading a book that my mom gave me on managing my mind. How to become more assertive and less passive/agressive, how to build self-esteem/ self-confidence, how to get out of depression, how to have healther relationships and so on. I am reading it and I feel like the title should be changed to: How to Manage Your Mind Georgia. It has some really good points. Ones that I am great at giving as advice.. but when it comes to me acutally listening to my own words.. it gets tough. But I am taking notes and trying out some new things in my own life so to get back on track.

I still feel very lonely here. And I have times where I wish I had the close friendsips that I used to have, here.. and feeling that I am in these "friendships" here mainly because I have no other options. And I can feel myself not voicing my opinions in these friendships because I believe that either, the people may get mad and not want to hang out anymore and thus I will be truly alone here, or that maybe, they arent even worth speaking up about because they won't last that long anyways.
I just think I am have been so lucky in the past to have friends around me all the time that cared for me so much and were ALWAYS there when I needed them and were only a few minutes away from me. And here.. it just doesnt seem like some people are that readily available and I am too tired with everything going on with me to push when they won't push for me.

But I am reading this book and trying to take it what it says as well as reading my Day by Day devotional from church. And with prayer and patience and a effort I can see things turning around for me.

the weekend

Had a great time this weekend.. even tho it was on a sad note. Went to Mexia with Jenn to be with Mikey, his grandma died last week and the funeral was today. Hwe was really happy to see me, we didn't tell him I was coming, wanted it to be a surprise.
The last time Jenn was here we were talking and she said, you know.. "it's weird.. I know Mikey loves me... and that I am probably going to marry him.. but I know that he loves you more.. granted, it is a different love.. a friendship love.. but still.. he loves you more than he loves me" At the funeral when I was meeting his family, his brothers were like "OOHH YOU'RE Georgia! How are you! Heard alot about you!" And Jenn said, "Yeah, you know when you see Mikey texting all the time.. he's texting Georgia". I Love Mikey so much, he has been such a great friend to me over the years. Someone that I can go to and tell anything to and I don't have to worry what he's going to think.. or if I need to cry he doesn't try and fix it he just opens his arms and give me a big hug and lets me cry and kisses my forehead. I feel truly blessed to have him in my life. Now if only I could find that kind of friendship in a guy that I am actually attracted to.. and make him fall head over heels in love with me. hehe

Huntsville comes to Austin

I had SUCH a great time this weekend! Misty, Shana, Andy, and Jenn came into town to see me! It was so great to see them. Seeing them was what I needed. I needed my close friends that care and love for me around me. Seeing as I dont really have anyone like that here. Who knows me, who cares about me, who want to make sure that I am ok. I miss that. I think that's why I feel so lonely here. Because I dont have that extreme closeness with people here. I don't have people here who know EVERYTHING about me. Misty and them are people that I can be completely honest with. People here... I dont feel like I CAN be completely honest and open with them. Not that there arent some amazing people that I am so lucky to have met. And I guess it will be hard and time consuming to get to that closeness with friends here that took years for me to develop with people back home.. but not having it now... especially now... makes me lonely.

But seeing my good friends what such a blessing. We had a blast! It really keeps me going. I really felt loved this weekend.

Aftermath...

Things are getting better everyday. Baby steps here and there.. Went out last night with Laurie to go dance, however I spent the whole night sitting.. And not from lack of offers to get up and dance.. just from me being to scared to take the hand of the random guy. Think I need to go to counceling...

But other than that, I am doing fine. Still sad at times, but those times are becoming further apart. I have my friends who are there for me, asking me how I am doing. Checking up on me. I am really feeling the love and the prayers from them.

OH I am getting a washer and dryer this weekend. A girl I work with has a pair that she is selling for $150! AND I got my laptop yesterday... I am going to call her Francine.. not sure why.. but it seemed to fit!

Getting back into the groove of things, Thank you for your love and support!

Sweet 'Manda From Heaven!

Happy Birthday 'Manda!

LOVE YOU TONS!! And hope 25 treats you great! Sorry I can't make it today, bastards gave me patients all the way to sunday night. But I am sending you my love!! *PUSHES LOVE TO YOU!*

Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!

So I am in Huntsville this Thanksgiving, having a good time. Going to Ren Fest tomorrow cause 1. I dont have to work tomorrow and 2. it was yucky outside today. Although tomorrow is not looking too good either, but we shall see.


Went out last night with the Huntsville crew, good times! I miss the being able to go out with people like that, who know me so well.. almost better than I know myself, and who I can really talk to and am never left out. In Austin I feel very alone. I only have one friend and the one friend (Laurie) makes me not want to open up to her for one thing or another. I just get so annoyed with things that she does things she says, things she believes, the fact that she cannot deal with silence of any kind... but with people like Misty, we can be perfectly happy not talking for hours... or talking about everything non-stop for hours. We are on the same wave length and think the same things and ... I dont feel like I am being judged when I am with her... and I feel like she listens to what I say ... Laurie... (I kept count) she went a whole month of seeing me without ONCE asking how I was doing... there is something seriously wrong in that.

I love it in Austin, for the change of scenery and the job field... but the lack of friends gets to me sometime. Especially after spending good quality time with Huntsville friends and the ones that I am most comfortable around. BUT...I must be THANKFUL for what I have. A great job, well two great jobs, a roof over my head, awesome pets, and a good neighbor(Laurie), AND friends out there somewhere that I know love me and wish me well and are praying for me.

7 facts

Ok, along with the other post.... Here ya go Amanda, my 7 facts about me...

1. I have owned a total of 4 ferrets in my life:Tequila, Zoe, Zailie, and now Zakia Falcor

2.I curently have 2 jobs and I LOVE them both

3. I have, in fact, sported an afro at one point in my life.

4. My favorite food is corn

5. When depressed my comfort food is a 2 liter of sprite and a bag of marshmellows

6. I realized that I have waaaaay too many shoes

annnnnd

7. this took me almost the whole time I was at work to finish!

He's not dead after all...

Well good news and bad news... the water in my upstairs neighbors apartment stopped running yesterday (1st time in a little over a week) bad news... I think he WAS dead and now whoever is up there is cleaning up the body. Cause they have been moving around there for an hour or so now this morning (its only 8:30). I heard what sounded like them squeegying(
Other than that... I had a great 4th of July, Schleif came to visit me! Hung out with me and my friends, watched fireworks, was my excuse to not go and see Brian. YAY! Yeah so we were all out having a great time and I get a text-i-poo from Brian "Hey I just got back into town and I was wondering if you wanted to come over and watch a movie" (which of course is code for sex) Well I replied gracefully: "Well I have a friend in town, and he is staying with me, in my bed". He replied back with "that was a low-blow, didnt need to know all that, Just kidding. Have a good time". To which I said... "I will". Idiot. What does he expect?! Me to be waiting by the phone desperately waiting for him to call me so I can rush to his side to be his late night booty call?!! Not so romantic in my book. Not really going to swoon over that.

Well.. I am going to try to go back to sleep again... for a few more hours.. I only slept 3 last night.

Whistle while you work!

Too much to do and not enough sleep to function. For some reason I have not been able to sleep the past week or so, as much as I am used to.. or as much as any normal person is used to in that case. I went to bed last night around 3 ish, and then woke 2 hours later in a panic. I shot straight up and stared at my bedroom door like someone was about to walk through it. My heart was racing and everything, I have yet to be able to go back to sleep. And I have things to do and I know that my mind wont let me sleep till it is all done. ...Maybe I can take some of my hydrocodone cough syrup.. let that knock me out for a bit!

Also, my upstairs neighbor's water has been running in his bathroom for the past week... is this serious? should I tell my landlord? Or is it just me being weird cause i have seen too many Law and Order episodes? Cause I am picturing him laying in his bathtub, dead, and noone will find him until he starts to smell.... I'll tell them tomorrow...

working

At work, where I now have 2 patients. I was going to have 2 anyways... but not the same two I have now. I had a woman patient but she got here and was like "ewww! is that paint I smell? I'm allergic to paint" And she tells me that she will see if she can handle the smell, but she's not sure. And so i take her to her room and she says, "oh, it is hot in here.. do you have a fan that I can use?" "SUUUURE I'll get that for you, but here is some paper work for you to fill out blah blah blah... " and she stops me and motions me to come closer to her... I say "yes?" and she says "Can-you-get-me-a-fan?" I wanted to punch this lady! I said I would! calm down!! So I go get her stupid fan.. come back and she is saying "nope! I can't do this! I can feel my throat closing up to the fumes".... we have been here in this new building for a month and a half... I dont think the fumes hang out that long. And if they did... they are not strong enough to affect anyone... not even annoying women like her! ugh! And one of the other patients that I have was telling Matt... the guy that I was working with at first, that charging him for this was just another communist plot. He delt with it in the Cold War and now, now..... ummmm great! sounds like he will be fun. But he actually wasnt that bad. Just surprised that I was still going to hook him up like they did last time. yes sir we are still going to monitor your heart rate and brain waves... sorry if you are dumb and didnt think so. And then my last patient... the best.. is just a normal guy, 2 years older than me, drives a BMW, has a girlfriend. But I have had nooooo problems with him yet!

Other than that, I am planning on going to church tomorrow... or rather today... to this brunch thing they are having.

Then next weekend in the 4th of July... then the weekend after that I am thinking about going home to Huntsville. Cause I miss everyone there!!!

Well back to work i s'pose