Thinking..

Sitting here at work. Just thinking about everything. Today is the day that the guy should have been arrested.. if he was, I don't know, I will call Monday to check so that I can finally stop worrying about if I am going to run into him when I go out. I talked to the detective and he said that the guy came in and he admitted to everything. This is a good and bad thing for me. Good because he will be arrested and put away, but bad because now I can't pretend that it never happened.. or that I made it all up. I get these crazy thoughts in my head that tell me.. "maybe you just made it up... overreacted a bit..take it back, it's not too late." But then hearing that he confessed.. well all of those thoughts are out the window and now I am faced with it, knowing that it DID happen and that he KNEW what he was doing and KNOWS what he did was wrong. It's a hard thing to swallow knowing that someone went out of their way to hurt me, and that they did it on purpose. Thankfully I have been working too much to stop and think about everything again.

In other news... alot happier news.. I have recently been on this online dating service. I have meet a few guys in person. been on a few dates.. none of them worked out really. Well last week I started talking to this one guy. He seems really nice and really down to earth.. and really interested in me. We have been texting almost non stop since last week. Telling about ourselves, our likes and dislikes, past relationships, childhood stories, family life, and what not. He seems to think that I am pretty special and can't wait to meet me. We talked on the phone for the 1st time last night.. for 2 hours. He seems very genuine. But with me, I am very skeptical about that.. and I had to look him up to make sure that he was a real person and not some 50 year old guy trying to hook me. And he is in fact for real. The only thing that is a hurdle at the moment.. is that.. he doesnt TECHNICALLY live here.. in Austin, nor in TX. .. He just happens to live in Hawaii. I know I know... it's crazy to even entertain the notion. But I figure, what the hell. If nothing else, I will have made a new pen pal. However he is already talking about coming to visit. Hell, after our 2 hour talk last night, both of us (unbeknownst to the other) looked up ticket prices for flights to see the other. I have already dubbed 2009 as a year to do the unexpected and outrageous... so who knows.
I have already talked to Mikey about going to a theme park this spring/summer to ride a roller coaster for the 1st time.. and then later to try bungee jumping.. and eventually this Summer to try skydiving! This is going to be my year of taking chances!

As of now

Things are getting better.. slowly. I am going on the 3rd night of sleeping in my bed. I forgot how much nicer it was than the couch. I am reading a book that my mom gave me on managing my mind. How to become more assertive and less passive/agressive, how to build self-esteem/ self-confidence, how to get out of depression, how to have healther relationships and so on. I am reading it and I feel like the title should be changed to: How to Manage Your Mind Georgia. It has some really good points. Ones that I am great at giving as advice.. but when it comes to me acutally listening to my own words.. it gets tough. But I am taking notes and trying out some new things in my own life so to get back on track.

I still feel very lonely here. And I have times where I wish I had the close friendsips that I used to have, here.. and feeling that I am in these "friendships" here mainly because I have no other options. And I can feel myself not voicing my opinions in these friendships because I believe that either, the people may get mad and not want to hang out anymore and thus I will be truly alone here, or that maybe, they arent even worth speaking up about because they won't last that long anyways.
I just think I am have been so lucky in the past to have friends around me all the time that cared for me so much and were ALWAYS there when I needed them and were only a few minutes away from me. And here.. it just doesnt seem like some people are that readily available and I am too tired with everything going on with me to push when they won't push for me.

But I am reading this book and trying to take it what it says as well as reading my Day by Day devotional from church. And with prayer and patience and a effort I can see things turning around for me.